Couples Weekly Check-In’s
Rebuilding trust and emotional intimacy in a relationship requires consistency, vulnerability, and a safe space for open communication. One powerful tool to support this process is the Couples Weekly Check-In—a structured yet compassionate way to stay connected, track emotional progress, and strengthen your bond.
Why Weekly Check-Ins Matter
Weekly check-ins create a regular rhythm of emotional connection, helping couples express their thoughts and feelings without the pressure of problem-solving in the moment. They allow both partners to feel seen, heard, and emotionally supported.
FANOS Check-In
FANOS is a simple five-part acronym designed to help couples share emotional and relational updates in a balanced and structured way.
- F – Feelings:
Share one or two feelings you’ve experienced recently (e.g., “I’ve been feeling anxious and hopeful.”)
Goal: Encourage emotional honesty and vulnerability. - A – Affirmations:
Offer a sincere compliment or expression of appreciation to your partner.
Example: “I appreciated how patient you were with me this week.” - N – Needs:
Identify a personal need—either something you need for yourself or from your partner.
Example: “I need a bit more quiet time at the end of the day.” - O – Ownership:
Take ownership for something that didn’t go well or for a way you may have contributed to disconnection.
Example: “I shut down during our argument and I see how that hurt you.” - S – Sobriety/Spirituality (or Self-Care):
Share something related to your healing or self-growth journey. This can include progress in recovery, spiritual reflections, or self-care practices.
Example: “I went to my therapy session this week and processed my shame.”
This method helps couples reconnect emotionally, build trust, and practice accountability.
FANOS Check-In Example
F – Feelings:
“This week I’ve felt overwhelmed with work, but also really grateful for our time together last night.”
A – Affirmation:
“I really appreciated how you listened to me without interrupting during our talk. It helped me feel safe opening up to you.”
N – Needs:
“I need a little more reassurance when we’re having hard conversations. A hand on my knee or a kind word would go a long way.”
O – Ownership:
“I know I shut down during our disagreement on Tuesday. I didn’t mean to push you away, but I see how that might have felt to you.”
S – Sobriety/Spirituality/Self-Care:
“I’ve stayed consistent with my journaling and attended my support group this week. It’s helping me stay grounded and accountable.”
Each partner would take turns doing their own FANOS check-in in this format, while the other listens quietly and empathetically—no interrupting, fixing, or responding unless invited.
SAFER METHOD
SAFER is a trauma-informed check-in tool that focuses on emotional safety and non-reactivity during communication.
- S – State your feelings:
Start with how you’re feeling today—emotionally and/or physically.
Example: “I’m feeling a bit disconnected today.” - A – Acknowledge impact:
Recognize something that impacted you emotionally during the week—whether positive or negative.
Example: “When you avoided eye contact earlier, I felt dismissed.” - F – Focus on facts, not assumptions:
Share what actually happened, avoiding interpretation or blame.
Example: “You were on your phone while I was talking.” vs. “You weren’t interested in me.” - E – Express needs or boundaries:
Identify what you need going forward to feel safe, loved, or heard.
Example: “I need us to schedule time without screens to talk each evening.” - R – Reaffirm the relationship:
End by affirming your commitment to the relationship, healing, or shared goals.
Example: “I want us to keep growing and I’m committed to this process.”
The SAFER method fosters emotional regulation, validation, and safety, especially in relationships navigating betrayal trauma or recovery.
SAFER Check-In Example
S – State your feelings:
“I’m feeling a mix of anxiety and hope today. I’ve been on edge, but I’m also feeling more connected to you this week.”
A – Acknowledge impact:
“When you reached out to schedule our check-in without me having to ask, it made me feel cared for and less alone in this process.”
F – Focus on facts, not assumptions:
“Yesterday, during dinner, you were on your phone a lot. I noticed I started to feel invisible, even though you didn’t say or do anything negative.”
E – Express needs or boundaries:
“I’d really appreciate it if we could set aside 30 minutes of uninterrupted time each evening—even if it’s just to sit together or talk without distractions.”
R – Reaffirm the relationship:
“I know we’re both working hard, and I’m really committed to rebuilding trust and staying emotionally connected with you.”
Couples Recovery Weekly Check-In – Partners and Couples Sexual Addiction Recovery Packet
You and your partner can decide together which approach works best for your relationship. The most important part is that the check-in happens regularly and is done with presence and intentionality.
Initiating the Check-In
It is recommended that the unfaithful partner take the lead in initiating weekly check-ins. This demonstrates accountability and a willingness to rebuild trust through emotionally honest dialogue. However, both partners should commit to participating with openness and empathy.
How to Practice Weekly Check-Ins
- Set aside a quiet, uninterrupted time each week.
- Sit face-to-face and take turns sharing.
- Speak honestly from the heart.
- Listen with empathy—there’s no need to respond, fix, or defend.
- Hold space for each other’s emotions, even when it’s hard.